Blah. I'm so over feeling withdrawn. I have been waking up just wanting to cry. I feel completely off and self loathing. This is so unusual for me. Sigh. I feel like permanent emo status right now, but I always shrug it off and just act happy bc no body likes a depressing person around. I find myself going outside a lot and just staring off maybe this helps? I dunno kinda makes me feel even more lonely and emo. So withdrawn. Anyhow. This probably has to do with this pain I've been feeling since June. I have a rheumatology appointment today and hope it goes well. I seriously hope it is not fibromyalgia. If it is... oh well guess I'll deal with it. I just want to get back to my normal SELF. Waking up energized and not tired. Sleeping through the whole night not tossing and turning for an hour each time I wake up! Anyhows. I still love you Jesus bc you've been through a lot worse >>>this keeps me going<<< And whatever if you are a nonbeliever and think I am crazy. Deal with it. You'll know one day if you answer HIS call.